The DC DAYE Competition Bagpipe Detuner (tm)

Copyright 1993 David C. Daye

Announcement:

The DC DAYE Competition Bagpipe Detuner (tm) from DC DAYE Electronic Music Products (Ltd.)<>

Abstract:

Modern Highland bagpipe contests really aren't any sort of competition at all. They're just serial demonstrations, lacking the give-and-take and offense/defense struggling of the battles of days of yore. WELL NOT ANY MORE !!

Sales Pitch:

Quit whining about That Other Band and take the offensive!

• The DC DAYE Bagpipe Detuner (tm) from DC DAYE Electronic Music Products (Ltd.) lets you command of your fate.
• The Bagpipe Detuner (tm) is a state-of-the-art MIDI- (tm) and MultiMedia- (tm) compatible sound attack system, designed to extend your opponent's tuning time beyond infinity!
• The Bagpipe Detuner's (tm) hidden shotgun sampling mike and 80986 Dodecium Microprocessor (tm) captures the exact tonality of your opponent's chanter, drone or drum head.
• Instantly (as soon as Win-doze finishes loading) our secret, unpatented SASER transmitter delivers a focussed beam of pure sonic energy, into a region of space no bigger than the opponent's instrument. No human can get into position to hear its sound.
• Simple physics does the rest. The resulting interference pattern ensures that the instrument will never tune, "should they tune till the next Ice Age!" (tm).<>

Accessories:

P.A. Patch (tm), hooks the Detuner into any Games or concert P.A. system for those occasions when you can't get to your opponent in advance. Sub-audible to the audience, the Directed Interference Pattern Preferring You (DIPPY Technology [tm]) instantly drops the bass drone(s) or drumhead fundamental 7-1/2 hz. in pitch, ruining even the most carefully built sound blend.

• Strike-in Strike-out (tm) (P.A. Patch req'd) detects the presence of a 3-beat roll and issues a 9-second bass drone squeal on the 2nd roll.
• Cutoff Cut-up (tm) (P.A. Patch req'd) duplicates one piper's last 2 notes, the instant the band stops.
• Embelllllisher (tm) (P.A. Patch req'd) randomly generates extra gracenotes and drummers' flams.
• Friendly Forces I.D. Module (tm) ultrasonically suspends the Detuner during your performance.<>

Our Motto:

"By the Right: FULL STOP !!"<>

Guarantee:

"We guarantee to render Every bagpipe Useless as if Actually Burst!"<>

Source:

The DC DAYE Competition Bagpipe Detuner (tm) and accessories are available from Mark-in-the-Loanin' at 614-666-1313, use your Master Card 'cause I'm going to need a visa *real quick!*

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